ENTERTAINMENT

Christopher Moore's 'Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove' has readers rolling with absurd humor

Stars are blind but not deaf: Paris Hilton cries when she hears her song- so do her listeners

By Zack Bolien
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Staff Writer

- Music Review -

After reviewing the musical attempts of Hulk Hogan's daughter, I searched far and wide for another CD that would carry on my tradition of journalistic excellence. Luckily, I had to look no farther than a supermarket tabloid cover. When I became aware that the legendary Paris Hilton had released an album, I knew that my mission was determined.

Strangely, the title track, 'Stars are Blind', isn't as horrible as it could be. I could imagine it being played in the background of many a teen clothing store and not being offensive. It's also the first track, which sort of eases you into the album, and Paris' whispering makes you wonder if she will do any actual singing later on.

About halfway through this CD, you will come to the same realization that I did: Paris Hilton was not allowed near the recording studio when this album was being made. If you took out her voice, the songs would be 98% intact. In fact, on a few of the tracks, her vocals are mixed so low that you may think she was gone already. I imagine the staff who created all the music needed someone to put on the cover, and who better than one of the biggest celebrities out there? Her actual vocal talents didn't seem to factor into that equation.

I'd even be willing to forgive her lack of strength on the album, if the CD had been finished. Instead, the last few songs sound as if they were practically copied from other pop songs, with a tiny change in instrumentals here or there. Paris continues to whisper (and sometimes speak!) all the way to the end, determined to leave her mark, even if she is standing three feet from the microphone the entire time. You will play this CD once, you will copy the first three songs onto your computer, and you will go back to thinking of Paris only as the main source of the E! Network's programming.

Paris once said that she cries every time she hears her song on the radio. After enduring this album, I know her pain.

Score - Can I give negative notes? Negative two. And the CD jammed up my car stereo for a day.