Practice self-defense and get a souven-'ear'
Not long ago, a friend and I found ourselves cornered. Behind us was a fake plant and a wall, in front of us a bowlegged man who was either drunk or mentally inept – hard to tell. Behind him, the doorway, our only escape. He staggered towards us, called us "nice girls" then reached out as if he was trying to pet us.
Fortunately, we were able to quickly duck out of the slightly comical situation and hightail it away.
It wasn't until later that I realized what trouble we could have been in.
Popular culture has lied to us all, with TV distorting the reality of physical human limitations and giving us a false sense of security and immortality. Superman is dead and so is Bruce Lee. And any movies involving rappers or flying Japanese people, well, you get the point.
The issue of self-defense not only applies to women. Everyone is vulnerable. Therefore, in the spirit of civic duty I have compiled a list of a few things you can do if threatened and some tips on how to help avoid the situation entirely.
1. Refrain from wearing baggy or "easy access" clothing, especially when alone in unfamiliar public areas.
2. If threatened use your best non-library voice to alert anyone within the area about your unfortunate predicament.
3. If confronted by a mugger, toss the item in question away from your body, so the he or she must leave you to retrieve it.
4. The purse can be a magnificent weapon, the average woman's medieval battle flail. Wrapping the strap around the wrist can position the bag for an easy and accurate swing.
5. Pepper spray is easily portable. Be sure to get OC type pepper spray, which is designed to work best on humans, and not that for bears or dogs.
6. Consider buying a stun gun or a taser.
7. When walking alone to your car, hold your car key between your thumb and index finger with the pointed key part away from your hand. This allows for a quick jab if necessary.
8. The elbows and the knees are seen as some of the strongest parts of the body. Aim for softer, more vulnerable areas such as the groin, midsection, shins and neck.
9. And finally, it only takes an average seven pounds of pressure to rip off a human ear.
Be smart. Take a self-defense course. Only use defense techniques when in mortal danger (in other words, use careful discretion between annoying relatives and serial rapists).
Understand the consequences of your actions. Know local laws concerning pepper spray, self-defense and the forceful removal of apendages, including ears.
But seriously, folks, you're not Jackie Chan or that chick from "Resident Evil." Be careful.